Loudoun Loathe
Obviously, I know that Daddy Daughter dances are not unique to LoCo, so coining them a Loudoun Loathe isn’t as much of a dig on LoCo as it is on a disturbing trend. I have so many issues with this “tradition” which seems to be very popular in LoCo. My biggest being, why am I the only one who finds these unsettling?
The premise – a special daddy/daughter event where little girls are supposed to feel special about this one on one time with their dads or other male family member.
The reality – little girls being tarted up to go out on a date with their fathers.
Let me be clear, I have no issue with children spending individual bonding time with either parent of any gender. Especially after you have more than one child, it becomes nearly impossible to set aside time to develop solid one on one relationships between everyone in the household. However, why is this type of display necessary to connect?
What message is this sending to our girls?
As the mother of a girl, I feel like I’m fairly focused on raising someone who will become a strong woman. Most of the values and interactions we have are focused around this. We focus on intellect, strength, choosing what happens with our bodies, kindness mattering more than looks, etc. So how is it to be interpreted in their little brains when suddenly we are encouraging them to buy and wear fancy clothes (for their dad), put on makeup (for their dad), get their hair styled (for their dad), nails done (for their dad), and have their father show up like he’s taking them out on a date? I’ve even seen some fathers show up in limos, get down on one knee to present flowers or other gifts, kisses on the cheek, dinner, dancing, photos.
What is the takeaway here that we want our girls to learn? It certainly isn’t the importance of one on one time with dad. That can be accomplished at the playground. It seems to me that the underlying message is that in order to get attention from a male, you get an updo, fancy dress, wear makeup, and get your nails done. Oh and just a silly sidebar, in this scenario, the male attention is from your father.
As women, we supposedly find this expectation appalling right? We insist on not being judged on our looks. We demand respect from men. We #metoo and #timesup and back up our objectified female friends. We want to be valued for our intellect and accomplishments. We are furious over societal expectations of what we have to do to be “pretty” and alluring to men. However, when it comes to our little girls, quite the opposite is happening with these events. It is encouraged, documented, and blasted all over social media so all of our friends can see just how “special” daddy’s relationship is with his little girl.
I have heard the argument that this helps girls understand how they should be treated by a man. This blows my mind. Here’s a thought for you dad… how about if you treat mom in a way that she should be treated so that your boys and girls learn what a loving, respectful relationship looks like? Moms, you do the same for your partner. Because glitter bombing my 5 year old’s head, putting makeup on her, painting her nails, and making her look like a child bride while you get down on one knee and ask her out is definitely not the way to go. It’s just gross. In fact, it’s counter to practically every single thing I want her to know about her future relationships.
So let’s hear it! What is your opinion about Daddy Daughter Dances? Cute or Creepy? I think my vote is clear – CREEPY!