by livinlavidaloco | Mar 24, 2017 | Families, Family, Loudoun Loathe
Loudoun Loathe
Obviously, I know that Daddy Daughter dances are not unique to LoCo, so coining them a Loudoun Loathe isn’t as much of a dig on LoCo as it is on a disturbing trend. I have so many issues with this “tradition” which seems to be very popular in LoCo. My biggest being, why am I the only one who finds these unsettling?
The premise – a special daddy/daughter event where little girls are supposed to feel special about this one on one time with their dads or other male family member.
The reality – little girls being tarted up to go out on a date with their fathers.
Let me be clear, I have no issue with children spending individual bonding time with either parent of any gender. Especially after you have more than one child, it becomes nearly impossible to set aside time to develop solid one on one relationships between everyone in the household. However, why is this type of display necessary to connect?
What message is this sending to our girls?
As the mother of a girl, I feel like I’m fairly focused on raising someone who will become a strong woman. Most of the values and interactions we have are focused around this. We focus on intellect, strength, choosing what happens with our bodies, kindness mattering more than looks, etc. So how is it to be interpreted in their little brains when suddenly we are encouraging them to buy and wear fancy clothes (for their dad), put on makeup (for their dad), get their hair styled (for their dad), nails done (for their dad), and have their father show up like he’s taking them out on a date? I’ve even seen some fathers show up in limos, get down on one knee to present flowers or other gifts, kisses on the cheek, dinner, dancing, photos.
What is the takeaway here that we want our girls to learn? It certainly isn’t the importance of one on one time with dad. That can be accomplished at the playground. It seems to me that the underlying message is that in order to get attention from a male, you get an updo, fancy dress, wear makeup, and get your nails done. Oh and just a silly sidebar, in this scenario, the male attention is from your father.
As women, we supposedly find this expectation appalling right? We insist on not being judged on our looks. We demand respect from men. We #metoo and #timesup and back up our objectified female friends. We want to be valued for our intellect and accomplishments. We are furious over societal expectations of what we have to do to be “pretty” and alluring to men. However, when it comes to our little girls, quite the opposite is happening with these events. It is encouraged, documented, and blasted all over social media so all of our friends can see just how “special” daddy’s relationship is with his little girl.
I have heard the argument that this helps girls understand how they should be treated by a man. This blows my mind. Here’s a thought for you dad… how about if you treat mom in a way that she should be treated so that your boys and girls learn what a loving, respectful relationship looks like? Moms, you do the same for your partner. Because glitter bombing my 5 year old’s head, putting makeup on her, painting her nails, and making her look like a child bride while you get down on one knee and ask her out is definitely not the way to go. It’s just gross. In fact, it’s counter to practically every single thing I want her to know about her future relationships.
So let’s hear it! What is your opinion about Daddy Daughter Dances? Cute or Creepy? I think my vote is clear – CREEPY!
by livinlavidaloco | Feb 28, 2016 | Loudoun Loathe, Singles
Loudoun Loathe
I have generally had a difficult time making meaningful (or even not so meaningful) connections in the realm of dating in LoCo. Historically, I have been a serial monogamist. However, each time a relationship ends, I like to go through a period of…let’s call it wiping the slate clean. I leave that situation with a list of “hard Nos” and walk away with zero emotional attachment to the problem. While this isn’t typical female behavior in my experience, I really enjoy this about myself and find it very freeing. There is no agonizing pining away, mental energy wasting, or rehashing what happened. When I’m done, I’m all done. The switch has been flipped and you’re pretty much dead to me. Then I have a little phase where I may or may not make some poor decisions and have a little too much fun before I settle down again. Now that I’m a single mom and let’s face it way too old for that in my 40s, I find myself in unchartered waters.
I find most of the people in this area to be vapid,
self-centered, superficial, ego driven, and strength of character is severely
lacking. Thankfully, I’ve met a handful of fun, genuine people over the last
several years that make my life tolerable here. But, let’s face it, you find
what you’d expect in one of the most expensive places in the nation. Despite
meeting a lot of men in a wide variety of settings over the years, I can’t
think of a single person that I’ve met that I even want to have a conversation
with let alone sit with them at a restaurant trying to pretend to be interested
in their gym schedule or their selfies. At this point, I’d really be happy with
just anyone I’m physically attracted to since the mental connection seems to be
truly impossible in this area. No, this hasn’t happened either.
After much coaxing, I finally succumbed to the peer pressure
of online/app dating. I have friends who have had much success in the area on
these platforms. Some have found their spouses, others find a lot of dates. I
was thinking traditional face to face meetings haven’t worked for me so why not
give them a try. This is how busy professionals seem to do this now, right?
Now entering my life
– Bumble, Match, Tinder
Bumble – I joined this app initially because I enjoy that no
men can contact you on the app. If there’s a mutual match, only the female can
initiate contact. The men “seem” to be a teeny bit less horrifying than other
sites. But, this is a stretch. After taking looks at the male view on Bumble on
several guy’s phones, I have seen that the dating pool of women is pretty much
extraordinary compared to the available men. So I just assume that the 1:100
guys that I’d swipe right on probably have 100 messages from women.
Match – I like that you can fill out a lot of detail and
know a lot about someone. The problem is that you can’t read many of the
messages unless you pay. I currently have over 300 messages on there that I’ll
never see. I am also a 93% match with my ex husband’s brother so that’s a real
mind fuck. There are ways for you to get free messages on there and for some
reason, all of these messages are from geriatric men who look like morticians.
Apparently, I have a type on Match.
Tinder – Now this is a fascinating shit show. If for no
other reason than pure entertainment, you may want to check it out. The guys
are very gross and the swipe right rate is around 1:200. Then the messages you
get from the guys are pure filth. I have decided that men are just using the
law of averages and sending the same gross message to 100 women and likely 1
will respond to their advances and that’s all they need.
Talk about an unbelievable waste of time and energy! I can
literally spend an hour straight swiping left on people and later do it some
more. You can think to yourself how can there be this many losers online in
this town? Then I remember that I am also on there so there HAS to be someone
sort of normal, right? RIGHT?! Or maybe I’m just also a loser, which is
entirely possible. Then something really intriguing happens. You start doing
this in the company of others like it’s normal. Friends sit together at a bar or
restaurant looking at the apps together and swiping. My friend and I met two
guys at a bar and we all sat there swiping and analyzing each other’s profiles
and looking at the other gender’s view. What the fuck are we doing? Hey, I
know, how about just talk to EACH OTHER at the bar?! Aside from seeing the same
people with the same photos over and over again across different platforms,
there are some other similarities that I find fascinating from a social
perspective.
Typical Dating
Profile Standards = Swipe Left
- Look at me and children – kids love me. Can
everyone just please stop putting photos of themselves with children online?
Aside from obvious security red flags all over the place, why do you think this
makes you more dateable? Oh look at me with all of my nieces and nephews, I’m
so cute. Or even worse in my opinion are all the photos of people with their
own children. Child props trying to get ass is just gross!
- Look at me with my giant dog – Although this is
another prop tactic, this actually does help me automatically rule someone out
so I guess it’s not a huge negative.
- Look at me and all the exotic places I’ve
traveled. I’m so cool and worldly. When did everyone in the area go to Macchu
Picchu? Was there a special tour from DC that I didn’t know about?
- Look at me at the gym. I’m so fit and focused on
working out that I carry my phone with me to snap photos.
- Look at me and my wife. I’m fine with people
doing whatever they want to make themselves happy in their marriages. I’m just
shocked at the number of people publicly looking for 3rds in this area!
- Look at my no photo photo. What is with the
people who put no photos at all, photos of just their torso in a suit, just
their torso naked, or random photos of a ceiling or carpet? Is there a single
person swiping on them? What’s the point?
- Look at me and my mom. Ummm why the fuck would
you put a photo of you and your mom on Tinder where you’re trying to hook up?
Gross.
- Look at me with all the hot girls that I know. I
got them to pose in photos with me, kiss me, or do a photo shoot naked so that
you will know how desirable I am. I can’t totally lie, this sometimes does have
a weird biological reactive curiosity and can work in some. Most are just
skeevy.
- Look at me being a drunk frat boy. Again I do
appreciate these and it makes it easier to weed out douches.
- Look at me and my guns. Again, thank you for
making this easy.
- Look at me and my fetishes. Appreciate this
information also. Left.
- Look at me with the animals I kill. Ummm why?
I’m willing to bet 1% of women find this alluring.
- Look at me. I never smile. If you don’t have a
single photo where you are smiling, I’m going to assume you’re a giant asshole
or you have busted teeth. Either of these are an automatic no.
- Look at me in all of my hats. If you don’t have
a single photo that shows your hair, you’re probably hiding it for a reason.
Being bald or balding is fine. Hiding it every time you’re out is weird.
- Look at me in this one photo. Pretty much
everyone can find one photo where they look half decent. This is evidenced all
the time when the first photo is ok and the rest are not. If you only have one
pic, that’s a no unless there’s something super compelling in your writing.
If anyone is looking to waste a shitload of time and mental energy on a bunch of strangers, definitely give the apps a try! Let me know your experience and successes! (Edited to add, I’m super smitten kitten over someone so this is way old news. All app accounts deleted and buried!)
